Beautifully Imperfect - Pt 2

This post is dedicated to my beautiful cousin Crystal Faith McLeod.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward", Psalm 127 vs 3. You were truly a light and a blessing. We love you and miss you.

I will never forget the day I sat in the room with the psychologist. I remembered her asking me if I needed a break as I could not stop crying. You would think she had just told me that I had a terminal illness with only a few days to live, but this was not the case. She was explaining to me  how challenging learning would be for my son because of his ADHD and Dyslexia diagnosis. As she spoke, several thoughts ran through my head; “Lord it must be my sins, why my child is suffering like this”, “God why him?”; “What will school and life look like for him?” I was distraught and felt completely shattered. The silence in the car made the drive home seem endless. When I arrived home, still in tears, I called my mother to talk with her. Her reassuring and comforting voice told me God gave King to me for a reason and it would be okay. Later that evening, I also spoke with my best friend Petoree, who pointed out to me that the diagnosis of Dyslexia and ADHD was not a death sentence and things could be put in place to help him to thrive in school.

I had to change my mindset and approach quickly. I now had concrete evidence of what King’s challenges were, and now the hard work would begin. The journey at times seemed lonely because I felt I had to constantly prove to people that King’s diagnosis was real. The conversation about “black boys” being stereotyped was always a hot topic. My response to this is; I am the one dealing with the issues daily and I cannot be ignorant about what my son’s needs are and finding solutions for them. I have to provide him with the best chance to succeed in life and that means providing the support he needs.

Advocacy was crucial in gaining supports for King. I felt like a soldier going to war during those meetings at school. The myriad of professionals speaking their specific jargon oftentimes resulted in me stopping them and requesting that they break down what they are saying. I had to also speak on King’s strengths and how this could be incorporated in helping him to do his best in school.

King is a natural with music and has special gifting for it. His IEP includes him being able to listen to gospel music in a quiet space to help with calming and redirecting him. Yes, I said gospel music! I made it clear in those meetings that our Christianity is a big part of our lif
e and as such this strength can assist King with de-escalating in class. King is also a social butterfly. He makes friends easily and has no issues striking up a conversation. His IEP also allows him to take on leadership roles and doing small tasks within the classroom.

His Dyslexia is major. It affects phonological awareness which results in difficulties reading. My heart breaks for him due to the challenges he has with moving from one level to the next. I went above and beyond by contacting Sick Kids’ hospital and inquiring about a specific reading program that could assist children with dyslexia. After months of advocating, the school agreed to purchase a similar program to assist King and other children who are struggling with reading.  I had to educate myself about dyslexia and how I could support him at home to help with his progress with reading.

God promises never to leave us nor forsake us. He knows exactly what we need at each phase in our lives. He knew I needed Tam; thus, our paths crossed. We have been able to support each other as we both know what it means to have a child with special needs. 

King was given to me for a reason. He may struggle in some areas, but he thrives in others. This child essentially taught himself how to swim and play the drums without any real lessons. Once he grasps a concept in school, he can move forward and complete the task. He is a talker like mommy and presents as confident in his speech. He just needs time, patience, and support. I would say to anyone reading this post, take time to understand children with special needs. Don’t ostracize or give up on them. I tell King he has a beautiful mind and he learns differently. Each day comes with its challenges, nevertheless, I am thankful.  None of us are perfect and my son is a blessing, he is truly beautifully imperfect.

~Shan~