A Mother's Tale - Pt 2

"Push mom!"
"I can’t, I’m tired!"
"You must push as the baby’s heart rate is dropping."
In a nutshell this is parenting. Parents push through life, feeling exhausted at times, but we continue to push nonetheless to maintain the hearts of our children. I pushed, I cried, I screamed, I prayed; after fourteen hours King was born. My body was numb, and my thoughts were racing. I felt an overwhelming rush of emotions as I wondered how I would ever be able to do this on my own. I yearned for the validation of one person at that moment, but instead was told, 
“You didn’t push King out properly”.
This statement crushed me, and I suddenly realized that I was going to be parenting on my own. Women having children outside of wedlock sometimes feel a sense of shame and embarrassment. For me this was the case; I felt low because I had wanted more for myself and my son when he was born. In that moment however, I was determined not to be placed in the category of society’s negative stereotype of being someone’s “baby mother”  and instead claimed my identity as King’s mother.

Raising children as Tam stated is not for the faint of heart. My reality is that I am not only raising King, but I am doing it on my own. The plans I had for myself did not include being a single parent; however life happened, and instead of playing a victim, I am trying each day to do my best. Being a woman raising a black boy is not easy. My role includes being both mom and dad, disciplinarian, doctor, cook, cleaner, educator and motivator. I am also soccer, karate, drum  and Parent-Teacher Association president mom, prayer warrior, partner and the list goes on. I have had to be thoughtful in my responses when King inquiries about my monthly cycles or talks to me about his own body and its development. When he breaks down to me in tears about not having his father around on a consistent basis, I am the one who needs to find the comforting words to soothe his hurting heart. These are just a few of the valleys we go through together. With the valleys however comes the mountaintops.

Yes, I am raising my son in a single parent household, however I do not use this as a victim badge for me not to do all I can for him. King has seen me complete two degrees and acquire other things on my own. He has travelled around the world with me and has been exposed to the life of ministry and my role as front-line worker within a crisis-driven environment.  Don’t get me wrong, I am human, and I have broken down several times. I have locked myself in the washroom just to cry and pray, or to call on my supports when I feel I don’t have it in me to go on. Disciplining and teaching King at times feels like a losing battle and I have questioned God about my situation and why I have had to do it all on my own.

Throughout the years, learning to make the best of my situation and speaking life over the two of us has saved me. I told King a few weeks ago that the residue of generational curses shall be broken over his life. I explained to him that mommy is doing this alone but one day he will do it with his wife, and they will support each other. We cannot give up on our children, no matter how we feel. Pushing for them is essential in shaping their lives.

I have to say that despite the hardships I enjoy being a parent to my beautiful boy. We have worship Fridays where I pretend to sing and he plays his drums, cuddle nights where we read stories, talk about our day and pray. He is my travelling partner and my little comedian. He is Jamaican at heart and speaks patois fluently. One would think he is Jamaican born. I am his beautiful mom (in his words) and he is not ashamed to give me hugs and kisses publicly (something many boys cringe at the thought of doing). He comments on my clothing and tells me when things are not appropriate. He is my little bodyguard and I am his safe place. God knew why he gave me a son when he did, and I am thankful that he gave me King.

I would encourage any parent reading this, not to give up! We will make mistakes; we will feel like a failure at times and we will have doubts but know you are doing your best. I have pledged to God that because he gave King to me, I am giving King back to him as he is His child first. There is no manual for parenting, we must take each day for what it is, and know things have to get better one day.

~ Shan ~

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KING

By Shanique 

King, yes, I named you King even though you were born in sin.

King, I speak life into you because the devil at each point tried to kill you.

You are royalty, a child of the Most High.

There is no greater pain than the pain of a mother seeing her child hurt.

King, you received love; you were brought up in love but the love from your father you yearned for.

The bruises and marks you endured is nothing compared to the emotional baggage you carry. 

How ironic what happened to your mother also happened to you.

How ironic that the love you longed for was the love that I had craved for too.

But King you are more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus.

King, when your mother and father forsake you then the Lord will take you up.

King, nothing shall ever separate you from the love of God.

King, you are healed, and you are restored.

My son I am not a man, but I am a praying mother.

I will continue to put on the whole armor of God 

that I may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil, 

pulling down strongholds and standing in the gap for you, because it has to end in this generation.

Abuse, it has to end! Fatherlessness, it has to end!

Generation curse, it has to end! Broken homes, it has to end!

Rejection, it has to end!

King victory has already been given to you because of what Jesus did on that cross; my son your victory has already been won.

So yes, I named you King because you are the son of our KING.