Make Room - Pt 2

I must admit, writing on this topic was particularly difficult for me as I have so many thoughts on what the concept of making room in my life means. Making room for Shanique means anything that I do that brings me joy. I work in a profession that emphasizes self-care and highlights the impacts of compassion fatigue. I have found that in consistently doing for others, though I preach it, I usually end up neglecting myself and my needs.  There are days I feel like the famous energizer bunny because of life and the many responsibilities I have that just keep me going and going and going.

Life caught up with me and I started losing my hair. After several specialist appointments I was told I had Alopecia Areata. There are many causes for this condition, but most notably one’s lifestyle and diet can also significantly contribute to its existence. Some may think it is only hair, but for me, losing my hair felt like losing a significant part of me. I have prayed about it, cried about it and ultimately, I have given it to God. This loss was the turning point in my life where I knew I had to pay attention to my needs and begin doing things for myself, no matter how guilty I felt.

As a parent, my needs are secondary to King’s. Learning to balance both our needs is key. I now know I am no good to him if I am not well emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.  In order for me to adequately care for him, I have to be the best version of myself, thus my journey to making room began.   

Acting and writing poetry is a passion for me. In the past, making room meant travelling with a theater group around the world spreading the gospel. During that season of my life I met some amazing people and fostered great relationships. My spirituality also grew as I was in the public eye and there was a definite need for me to ensure my public life was aligned with my private life. Travelling with the group was not easy as I had many responsibilities that came with being a single parent. This was the time when I had to swallow my pride and ask for help.

They say it takes a village, and I am thankful that King and I have a village. I no longer feel badly when I have to ask for help. I always put myself out there to help others in many ways.  The Jamaican saying, “one hand washes the other”, rings true in our village. This basically means we extend a helping hand to each other. Getting the help when I needed it, has been crucial in allowing me to take time for myself to reset my mind, spirit and soul.

A 5k run was never something I saw myself doing, but when the opportunity came to do the Mud Girl Run in 2018 with a few friends, I accepted the challenge.  This was something I had to do for me. Rolling in mud, getting dirty, walking and running 5k may not seem appealing to some but I have to say this was one of the greatest experiences that I have had in my life. At one point as we were walking up a steep hill, I recalled how all the women pushed and held each other up. With that adrenalin rush, I had so much joy after I completed the race. That first experience had me doing it again a second year and I now have decided to make it something I do annually with my friends.  

I love vacations and I make it a priority saving for them. Laying on a beach and watching the sun rise brings me to life. I remembered in 2018 while on a cruise with mommy and King, I felt compelled to pray one morning at 5 o’clock.  I left the room, went to the top deck, sat and looked at the open sea. Before I knew it, I was there for hours just worshipping and praying. This was my time and I valued it.

Our bodies are the temple of God, we are like trees rooted in Christ.  If we don’t nurture and take care of the roots, the tree eventually will die. When you neglect yourself, you will lose your passions, dreams, visions and purpose. Doing small things for yourself can bring so much satisfaction. It doesn’t have to be major, little things will count.

 Driving from one end of the city to the next for some good food, is something small for a foody like myself. I love scents, so taking long showers and lathering with body oils, lotion and perfume is something I enjoy immensely. Reading a good book excites me and I get pleasure sitting in my backyard doing this.  

Life is too short to be anything but happy. You have to be determined to make room for yourself. By making room this will bring a sense of joy, peace and stability. With all that is happening in the world now the concept of self-care is very relevant and necessary. One has to be creative especially during these unprecedented times.

I challenge anyone reading this post to make a list of the small things that you can do to make room for you. Remember there is only one you! Be kind to yourself.

~Shan~