Beautifully Imperfect

This post is being made with the expressed consent of the parties discussed within.

Remember a few posts back when I told you about my son, who as a toddler, I had to rethink the way I was going to parent him? Today we are going to delve a little deeper into the experience of parenting this awesome young man. My son (AJ) believes that he has superpowers, and I agree with him. You might think that this is the ideation of a 12-year-old with an overactive imagination…but it’s not, and I will tell you why.

AJ is the family comedian with an incredible sense of humour and perfect timing. I think he could make a living from it one day. He loves people, has a lot of friends, and believes anyone who he loves and cares about is his family. He loves hugs, is caring, very athletic, and extremely polite. He is in many ways the life of the party as he brings so much joy to those around him.  Does he sound like many 12-year-old boys you know? He is, but he is also special.

First of all, he is special because he is my son. If anyone reading this has a boy or hopes to have a boy, I can confirm that there is truth to the term, mama’s boy. He is my only son, and he is even more special because he is a child with unique needs. As defined by society, he has special needs. AJ has an ADHD diagnosis.

My world felt like it was crashing after receiving his diagnosis when he was seven years old. My head swirled with so many thoughts about what this meant for him, his learning, his future, and even for our family. Since receiving that diagnosis, I admittedly have gone through all the stages of grief. I experienced denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. I blamed myself, there had to be something I did or did not do. I questioned God and tried to bargain with Him. If I do this Lord, will you take this away from him?

Acceptance, the final stage of grieving, came when I started educating myself about his diagnosis. I had to find a way to understand how his brain worked. I also began exploring spiritually why this child was gifted to me. This caused me to pray and intercede for him differently.

The answer from above came through an earthly voice, declaring to me that AJ was purposefully meant to be my child. My dearly departed Uncle Leroy said to me before he passed, “Baby, don’t worry about the challenges you are having raising this boy, he is your child because God knew that you were the only one who could be the mother he needed. He intended him for you”.

There are days when being his second brain takes everything out of me. Think of all that your brain processes for you from one minute to the next, for example, when to eat, when to sleep, what to do, what not to do... Now think of that brain being outside of your body. I am that for him. Throughout the years, I have had to break down many seemingly simple tasks into single items to keep him on track. This coupled with the trying to justify to family and friends why his diagnosis matters, and is important, was exhausting. Let’s just admit that in many instances, culturally, it is frowned upon.

Yet, with all I have mentioned, I have concluded that AJ is no different from any of us. You will hear people say, “I’m forgetful,” “I’m a procrastinator,” “I’m not motivated to do this particular thing because I don’t like it.” Why is that ok for everyone else and not for my son? He faces these same challenges. He is perfectly imperfect, wonderfully, and fearfully made by God, just like every one of us. He has been made for a purpose and with purpose. God knew that this loving family was the one AJ would need to advocate for him, love him unconditionally, empower, and support him.

Society's view of children with special needs or disabilities is that they are broken; I refuse to accept that. My child just needs a little more help in some areas than the rest of us do, and he is amazing in other areas where we need help. Children with unique needs are as gifted as any of us. These children, just like you and me are also born with special gifts. So, it is our job to help people understand who he is, what he needs, and in doing so, ensure that he has been given the best chance to succeed like everyone else in this flawed world. God did not make a mistake when he made him for his father and me.

  

I have also learned through this process of lovingly accepting my child, that I cannot force my ideas and wishes about who he is and what he will become on him. My job at this time is to create an environment for him to thrive in whatever he chooses to do. My husband and I are considered academics. However, why should we impose who we are on him? We teach, we counsel, and we provide support. We instill our values and we pray. We have learned to create the space and opportunities for him to fully explore his talents and to blossom into the purpose of who he was designed to be.

So yes, my son has superpowers; he recently told me that he believes his ADHD is a blessing because he can see things and think quickly about things they way other people can’t. He has gifts I wished I had. He has exceeded at every sport that he has ever dared to try (basketball, soccer, cross country, flag football). He loves people fiercely and he is exceptionally tech-savvy. My goal in raising this child with ‘special needs’ is to ensure that he knows he is beautifully imperfect, just like everyone else. I reinforce to him that he is special because God made him so, just as he did everyone. Most of all, AJ is worthy of everything this world has to offer and he can achieve it, he just needs to want it.

~Tam~