Giving while Healing

 

How many times have you wanted to just cover your head with your blanket and stay in bed, crying, sighing or sleeping while facing challenges in your life? I have to admit that I have experienced this numerous times. Different situations have caused me to want to roll into the fetal position and stay under the covers, praying that I can come out when the situation has passed. While there have been a few instances where I actually stayed in bed, I have otherwise pushed myself to take the covers off, throw my feet over the side of the bed, stand up and take a step.

In every instance when I had to push through whatever it was that I was feeling, my motivation to overcome the feelings I had was my family, in particular my children. After all, they did not ask to be caught up in whatever crises I was experiencing, but they would inevitably suffer if I did not find a way to simply move.

For me, catering to my children’s physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing has always been my primary motivation to feel better when things are tough. Admittedly, in many instances, it has been hard to find ways to give of myself to my family even while going through my own ‘stuff’.

We can never fully understand what someone is going through, yet we often stand on the periphery of their lives and judge. Don’t we? I know I have.  I have been guilty of pulling away from friends who seemed to have shut me out. Then I felt ashamed when I later learned that their withdrawal was due to their inability to deal effectively with a rough patch in their lives.

It is ironic how we project the best of how we see ourselves on others when we stand in judgement of them. “I wouldn’t do that,” “This is what I would do,” “Why can’t he/she just do this?” Upon reflection, I have come to realise that as people experience difficulties, which they may not expect or be prepared to deal with, it may cause them to behave in ways that are not typical of who you know them to be. This has been the truth for me.

I don’t normally lay in bed and not get up unless of course I am exhausted, yet it has happened. There have been times when I was simply not prepared or able to deal with what I was facing. However, I have since changed my approach to challenges. Instead of willing the problems away without dealing with them, I have started to acknowledge the issues, experience the emotions, and take a step towards getting out of that space. After all, keeping the emotions tucked deep inside may cause me to survive some of the more monotonous daily tasks, but this has not proven to be a sustainable way of getting to a healthier place.

I have had to find ways to still give of myself while healing from whatever is affecting me. In doing this, I have given myself permission to employ a few strategies. I try to have fun and do things I love. At the protests of my children, after being told that I am going away on a mini-vacation, I have had to tell them “I will love you more when I come back”. I was not lying to them, because there is no way I can love myself and many things about my life when I am not feeling well.

On the days when I just need to experience the emotions and I don’t want to do the things I would normally do, I have asked others in my family to take on tasks to give me the space I need, and I have been okay with it. My husband may be the one to do laundry, my eldest might take the younger children to an activity or my aunt may become the hairstylist for the weekend.

In addition, I have talked to friends and professionals about the issues as the need arose. While the urge was overwhelming to keep them all to myself and work through them without being a burden to anyone, I decided against this. There have been times when I was just not able to process what I was feeling and I needed to get the information and support necessary to change my outlook and approach to my challenges.

Whether it was because it was medically recommended or I felt that I just needed to keep moving, I have had to make lifestyle changes to help me to feel better. Making regular exercise a part of my routine and changing my eating habits have also helped to lift my spirits.

I know sometimes it is not easy to see our way while we are in the middle of the storms of life. I recently heard an analogy that said, " as we face the storms, remember that above the clouds, the sun is still shining." My encouragement to you is to find the things that bring you that element of sunshine in your life and try to stay focused on them, even when it may be difficult. Let your desire to see the sunshine keep you moving towards a healthier and happier place.

~Tam~